Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
