The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
