I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
