I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
