so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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