if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
