...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize