Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
