i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
