I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
