i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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