Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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