i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
