To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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