There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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