you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
