She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
