better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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