There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
