I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
