he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
