respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
