I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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