I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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