M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize