Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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