My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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