I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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