Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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