I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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