I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
