I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize