Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Porn is love you can see.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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