Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
