what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
