So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
