Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
