Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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