wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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