If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
