We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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