haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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