i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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