So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
