Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
