this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
