Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
