You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
