He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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