IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
