Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
