I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
