dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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