I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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