thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
