The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
