I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
