i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
