Your dad touched me again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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