Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
