You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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