his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
