his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
