he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
