No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
