Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize