I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
