the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
