i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
