let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
