I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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