Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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