He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize