Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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