btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
