I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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