I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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