You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
